Writing My Way Out of Abuse and Shame
Breaking the Silence
I always knew I would write about the abuse I suffered as a boy, but it took me decades to find a safe way to express myself. I had so much to say but felt no one would listen or understand. I vowed to tell my story on my terms when I was ready.
It was not easy to break the silence. I did confide in my best friend shortly after it happened, but we were both young and confused. He was thirteen, and I was fourteen. We did not know how to deal with it. I felt exposed and scared after the traumatic events and afraid of being judged.
It was a long time before I felt prepared to tell my story as an adult and a father of four children. It was a difficult and long journey to write about my trauma. I began by reaching out to some of my old friends. One was in the US and had also suffered sexual abuse by the same person. As we chatted, I noticed he was more troubled by it than I ever was. Little by little, I became more confident in talking about everything. I confided in one of my adult children (without the gruesome details), and she was very supportive.
It was like a flood of words when I finally wrote it down. I felt a rush of relief and satisfaction from being honest and unfiltered. When it comes to sexual violence, there is so much stigma and shame that victims often feel silenced.
For me, it was essential to be truthful about the journey, the feelings, and the complexity of balancing social expectations with my own needs, mental health and insights into victimhood that are not sensationalised.
My story of being abused as a boy was published and received much attention and support in the first few weeks. I was glad people appreciated it, but I noticed that the boys who were with me then who still live in Sri Lanka were too afraid to talk about these things. I learned that some of them had also been abused, but they had buried their experiences deep inside.
Writing has always been my passion, and it helped me a lot in my long healing process. I could do it privately, at my own pace, and with my voice. It was a way for me to express what I felt and what I wanted to say. Writing became therapeutic and soulful for me.
Before the abuse, I was a happy and carefree child. Being fourteen and dealing with such trauma was a tough year for me. But I was lucky to have a strong spirit, and by the time I was fifteen, I had left the horrible institution and returned home. I felt free, happy, and in control of my life. I promised myself I would not let the past ruin my future — a big promise for a fifteen-year-old.
Adults need to do more than just talk about violence against boys. It is good that there is more awareness, but these are still taboo topics in my old country. There is no openness and sexual education in Sri Lanka like in Australia and other progressive countries.
I feel like I have taken back a part of my life.
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